Why This Isn't Another "Monday"

Diet starts Monday. The ultimate excuse to eat whatever I want. A phrase I have often used as I guiltily shove my face with all my favorite eats. My husband has heard me say it a million times.  I would look at him and say,

"Ok, I better enjoy this treat now, because on Monday everything will be different. I won't be eating any of this. I mean it this time. This is my last Hoo-rah!" 

The first 15 times I did that my husband lovingly said "You got this honey! Good for you. Monday will be great! Whatever makes you happy!" My sweet husband, who loves me, and loves my body through thick and thin, through all shapes and sizes, just wants me to be happy. And has been supportive of my countless weight loss endeavors. One Saturday a few months ago as I was guiltily and unhappily chattering away to him about my health plans for "Monday" while simultaneously shoving a donut in my mouth, he looked at me and said " One last Hoo-rah, eh?" He meant it as a loving joke. I saw the truth. And I was mortified. Something needed to change. I needed to stop waiting for Monday to change my life. 

I have been living the past 4 years on one long "last Hoo-rah". Sure, I have honestly made real attempts to cold turkey (pun intended) my way out of poor health choices. And my heart really has been in the right place. So why wasn't I successful? 

I was a chubby child and teenager. Like Mandy, I was funny, witty, friendly and cheerful. I had lots of friends and was happy. I didn't know what a calorie was until I was 17 years old. The summer before my senior year of high school I worked part time in the business office of our local YMCA. The ladies in the business office were doing the latest popular diet- low carb, high fat. Honestly, at 230lbs as a teenager, I was really just motivated because what they were eating looked good. I had never really thought about losing weight. They were eating pepperoni and cheese and sugar free jello with cool whip. Yes please! So I jumped in. I lost 35lbs in 2 months. I began learning about health and fitness and started running and exercising while watching calories for the rest of the year. I lost 70lbs my senior year of high school. I stayed between 160-180lbs for about 9 years. I worked out hard, hiking and running (I even ran a marathon in 2009!!)  and ate healthy foods. I was diligent and worked hard to stay trim. But I had fun and ate ice cream and pizza in moderation. I had found some balance- but still had to be committed to my health.  When I got married in 2010, I had a foot injury which prevented me from exercising for several months. I had just graduated college and I was working long hours while my husband finished his last year of school, and quite frankly, I got lazy. Four years and 2 babies later, I've gained 100lbs, and at 270lbs I was 30-40lbs heavier than I had ever been in my life.  I was crushed. I had really poor self esteem for the first time in my life. I couldn't believe after years of maintaining weight loss, I had gained so much weight.

Halfway through my pregnancy with my second child, who is now 8 weeks old, something changed within me. I had the "no more Mondays" epiphany.  I realized that as a wife, and a mom, my self-destructive-waiting-for-Monday emotional eating, was not working for me. Not at all. 

I began making small changes in April of this year. Because I was pregnant it was easy for me to do things in moderation. Drink water instead of juice or milk. Eat carrots instead of chips.  Go for short walks. Stuff like that. Then in early summer Mandy, Leigh, and I began the process of making our 1-3-12 brainchild a reality. At the end of July this year, 6 weeks postpartum, I started walking more and more in preparation for our first challenge. I started really watching what I was eating. I have lost 30lbs. It feels great. So how do I keep up this momentum? How do we stay committed when we know that we have a significant amount of weight to lose, and it is going to take months, or years? 

Vegetables, people. 

5 miles!!! It doesn't take long to change-- I have been shocked at how strong my body is becoming. 

Last week, after 3 weeks of great choices, exercise, and a super positive attitude I felt the familiar "you deserve to eat that brownie" demon taunting and tempting me. It had been a hard week- my husband was working long hours, the baby wasn't sleeping well at night, I was stressed and tired. I was scared of failing and not achieving my goals- AND  I was scared of being successful!l I wanted to eat food to comfort my emotions. Let me clarify: I wanted to SNARF my stress, anxiety, and fear. Allow me to be even more specific: I wanted to 'Las Vegas Buffet'  my way through every single darn feeling. After two days of poor choices, I sobbed to my husband that I was failing yet again at all my goals. I wanted to throw in the towel. I felt so defeated. My husband, my cheerleader, my best friend, the most logical and analytical man I know, reassured me that all was not lost.

He told me to think of my progress in terms of green and red. He asked me to imagine the past month as a calendar. For every day that I made good choices and exercised put a big green X. For those days where I could have done better put a big red X. As I visualized that he asked how many green and how many red X's. I realized that I had 3 weeks of green and 2 measly days of red. I quickly realized that I did not want to continue sabotaging all of my hard work just because I didn't do as well as I wanted for two days. Imagine that. Self-sabotage was not only illogical, it was downright dumb. 

Can I just tell you, this was a total breakthrough for me?!? This is what it means to change your "lifestyle". This is what it means to stop living for "Monday". This is real accountability. This is REAL LIFE. Good days, bad days, and everything in between. There is no excuse good enough to not make my health a top priority. I am sick of excuses. I am sick of Monday. 

Mandy, Leigh, and I are gearing up for a year of good health. 12 challenges. This is such an adventure! We are excited. It is going to take hard work- and a lot of motivation and determination. And when we make mistakes, we have to realize that all is not lost. And we have to be honest with ourselves. And we HAVE to love ourselves. And perhaps that is our biggest challenge. Self-love. Do we love ourselves enough to eat good food everyday, and be active and exercise? Do we love ourselves enough to realize this isn't deprivation or punishment? We are setting ourselves free of our addiction to unhealthy lifestyle choices. And it feels AWESOME. And it feels HARD. And it feels SCARY. But mostly it feels AWESOME!!! 

So here's to no more "Mondays"!! Who's with us?!?