Realistic Expectations: Losing Weight

I jokingly texted Mandy a picture of my filthy kitchen the other day and told her that the title of my next blog post would be "Realistic Expectations"... Apparently, I am a woman of my word.

Let me keep it real. My house is MESSY. At any given moment there are 3-4 loads of laundry that need to be done, dishes in the sink, crushed goldfish crackers in the carpet, and toys everywhere. It is just not as clean as I would like it to be. But things have changed for me in the past few months. Those 2 hours that I might have spent tidying up the house each morning, are now used pushing a double stroller and sweating my butt off (literally). That extra energy that I might have put into deep cleaning the bathroom, or doing the dishes has been sucked up into planning and preparing healthful meals for me and my family. My time and energy is invested in something other than keeping my house clean. So it is not always very clean. 

THIS IS SOMETIMES VERY HARD FOR ME TO ACCEPT. 

After a day of experimenting with new recipes, cooking for a get together, and feeding my family, I was exhausted and went to bed with the kitchen looking like this. No, really, I did- and I slept like a baby. The next morning, I took this picture, cried a little,  and then ignored it and went out and did 4 miles. Then, I got home, got the kids happy and situated, and finally began tackling the kitchen. That is the reality of losing weight. At least, that is my reality. 

But my expectations need to be realistic. I am not super woman. I do not want to resent my family when they make messes. I do not want to use precious late night sleep time scrubbing my kitchen floor. So I do the best I can,  pray that my friends, family, and people who stop by, will forgive me and not judge me for the mess, and move forward. 

Stop punishing myself for not being perfect. 

This is perhaps the biggest lesson I have learned during this weight loss journey. Self- acceptance and self-love. I am not a perfect person. So I am not going to be perfect when it comes to losing weight. But I can try, everyday. But some mornings, I wake up, and all I want to do is eat everything in sight. Let me emphasize: EVERYTHING IN SIGHT. 

I have had a lot of people asking me what I have been eating, how have I been successful in losing weight so quickly? Its not one thing. Its lots of things, I think. 

Here are some of my thoughts about the REALITY of losing weight:

I eat mostly whole foods- lean meats, veggies, fruits, some dairy, nuts/seeds. I try to keep my caloric intake less than 2,000 a day, but most of the time I think I am between 1800-2000. I have days where I watch my carbs ( I might do that for 2-3 days in a row) and then I have total cheat days where I eat what I want. 

I am listening really closely to my body, and just being really disciplined about whatever I am doing. I pay attention to how I feel in the morning. Some mornings, I wake up, and I know that eating is not going to be an issue that day. I know that I am not going to want to eat everything in sight, and I will make good choices, and not be tempted by everything. And then some mornings I wake up and I know that I am going to STRUGGLE all day with wanting to eat EVERYTHING. On those days where I know that I will struggle, I count calories. I eat whatever it is that I want, but I cannot go above 2,000 calories. On days when I have all the will power in the world, I eat super clean , whole foods, and don't stress about calories, because I know I will be ok... I am having a day today where I want everything. So I am watching calories.

 Deviled eggs. So simple, so delicious, and a great source of protein. 

Beet and cabbage Asian slaw with sauteed shrimp.

Sweet potato buns. Salmon burger with sweet potato and sauteed peppers. 

I know that is SUPER ambiguous. But it is what I am doing. Just learning to listen to my body, and detach emotionally from food. Its a process. And it takes a lot of effort. I always feel like for me, losing weight is like a part time job. I have to be slightly obsessed-- in the sense that I have to think about it a lot, and plan, and talk about it, and pay attention, etc. I am not obsessive in an unhealthy way, I just dedicate A LOT of time and energy to it. Its hard because that feels so wrong. But you know what- I am so much happier and have more energy to give to my kids, and so it all works out. They are happy and healthy, and have a mom who feels happy and confident. I think that is better than having a stressed out depressed mom who feels really bad about herself. I was mentally ready to make it a HUGE priority. It won't always be that way...I know I will hit my goal weight and then be able to relax and go into maintenance mode, and learn what that means to me. But I know that this is what I will focus on in a big way for the next year. And I am ok with that.

Here are some things I eat/snack on:

I make sweet potatoes a lot-- pictured above, i posted the recipe on my instagram my fave way to eat them ( @fitvermontmama) string cheese carrots and hummus tzaziki on everything almonds dark chocolate gluten free crackers- like rice crackers...but these are a treat

I try really, really hard not to eat wheat or gluten. It makes me feel sick when I do. I am learning so much about how to cook and bake without it, and that has been really fun and exciting.

I had a LOT of weight to lose. And I know as I get smaller, I will have to work harder to get the weight off. so I might have to change things up again and again. I am ok with that. This is a process and the most important thing is to just keep trying every day. If I do that, I will learn what works, and I will see more and more success. Healthy living is like anything else- I have to practice it, if I want to do better.

I am now 45lbs down!! So close to 50lbs! I can't wait to get there!

My husband is also an incredibly huge support. He helps with the cooking, he watches the kids if I want to exercise at night, he does chores and dishes after a long day at work, he listens to me talk constantly about what I have achieved, my goals, the .2 lbs I lost, everything. He is my biggest cheerleader, and that makes a huge difference for me. He sees how happy this is making me, and is so supportive. I am so grateful for him. 

The REALITY is, I just keep trying, everyday. I just keep learning, everyday. I refuse to give up. The most important thing I am learning is, if I make a bad food choice and GORGE myself, I just get over it. I don't punish myself, I don't binge for 5 days (which is what I have done for the past 4 years because I have felt so guilty about gaining so much weight), and I just move on. That has been the biggest change, and I think why I have been so successful. Because I make mistakes ALL THE TIME. But I just forgive myself and keep trying.

My realistic expectation is that I am not perfect, and so my weight loss journey will NOT be perfect. And accepting that has made all the difference in the world.

And my house can stay messy. For now.

On the Closet (you know the one):

A few things have changed over the last forty-seven days.  Firstly, I've parted ways with refined sugar, wheat, and dairy.  Secondly, I've longed a little each day for refined sugar, wheat, and dairy.  Thirdly, I've lost, and don't especially care to find, 15 pounds!

And so I've been trying on all the clothes in my closet that are out of style and too small.  The ones I've been storing, pushed against the wall on that most unreachable shelf.  That's why my closet resembles a diva's.  Clothes are strewn in colorful piles, dresses hang precariously by one shoulder, and shoes (the impractical ones I can barely balance on) lie listless on the floor in compromising angles. 

Why do we do this to ourselves?  Why do we cling to the clothes that grow tighter around our burgeoning bellies until the buttons, strained, become weapons of mass destruction?  Maybe we've popped open the tent and pushed the polls through, but none of us ever intends to hammer the stakes into the undulating lush ground of Fatsville.  We're just visiting.  Fly by night.  Round trip.  But when we arrive, we're tired, hungry, and just want to nap for a bit. 

I've been napping for years.  Not because I'm lazy.  Let's throw that stereotype out the window.  Because I hurl myself into my work.  Because I have three kids under five.  Because I eat when I'm tired.  Because I'm always tired.   Because the food industry cons the FDA into approving addictive substances (ie: sugar).  Because nothing I try ever works.  Because the U.S. is a culture where high-fat foods and low activity is the number one lifestyle.  Because I live in this culture. 

But in the depths of my closet there is hope.  

My closet is disheveled.  It smells slightly mildewed (from a load that was in the washing machine a day too long).  It's dark and deep.  But in that closet there is a pair of jeans.  The pair flung in the unreachable corner in a moment of haste years ago.  That pair of jeans fits.  Halleluiah.   The turbulent flight back from Fatsville is panning out.  15 pounds.  Gone.